Quantum Weirdness with Random Giraffe Sounds

More lap giraffes? What is Faux Tuesday? How can Jerry be in two places at once? Who in the heck would put ice cream in beer, and why? All these questions are asked and never really answered in Episode 28 of Slow Death in the Afternoon Podcast … because we’re talking about absinthe while drinking absinthe. That’s why.

Johnny Quest in Margaritaville

This one is a little bit Doctor Who — we barrow a TARDIS and spy on ourselves as we come up with the idea for this podcast. Also covered is the question: Are crazy people really crazy, or are they just seeing things that we can’t see? Dan tells about having actual real cougars in the office; having a “as seen on TV” 70’s disco hot tub installed; Earthquakes and Hazmat Suites (we almost made this the title); HP Lovecraft, and old horror movies in Dan’s collection. Also Dan tells us how to get a government job, and our good friend David in Australia tells us about Skippy the bush kangaroo.

Absinthe Brands to Avoid, and Good Absinthe connected to Famous Artists

It’s wormwood (what else would it be?)

Remember Buddy Hackett? Dan does. We also remember the Kentucky Fried Movie, or at least the nude scenes. Besides that, Jerry and Dan go over some absinthe brands to completely avoid (and a major shoutout to Brian at the Wormwood Society website who reviewed them), then drift off into talking about absinthe brands we like that are connected to artists. Other topics include Dan’s all time favorite horror movie, some of Jerry’s favorite music, and what if Woody Allen had been cast as Darth Vader? We also touch upon the possibility of having an actual ghost as a guest on the show.

As promised in the episode:

Yes, we know… in today’s day and age, this is racist. But Jerry loves the font.
“You’re so pretty… too bad you have to die.” – Tourist Trap

Plug it in to the UFO Port

Recorded July 17, 2019, in this episode we reveal why we like Lucid now way, way more than we used to (hint: Ted Breaux himself let us know why); we reveal what Jerry learned in his cocktail class given by the master mixologist Alex Ryser; and we discuss how exactly people storming Area 51 can interface their MacBooks with alien computers. Also: Absinthe drink of the month (thank you Mario!), the pros and cons of rebooting Spiderman, and finally how awesome a song can be when none of the musicians don’t even know they’re contributing to a song (hint: it’s all in the editing). PLEASE NOTE: to Jerry’s employer, he is not smoking marijuana. But please consider being lenient when it is finally legal in his state of residence? Thank you! (Also thank you to Ted Breaux and Mario, shout outs to you! Also thank you to Alex Ryser for being the master mixologist and teacher that he is.)

We had to include this as we talked about it in the episode.

Lap Giraffes and Pocket Rhinos

Remember lap giraffes? Dan thought they were real, and was greatly disappointed it was a hoax. He wanted one. He wanted to have a 3 foot giraffe that followed him around the house and begged for grapes. Meanwhile Jerry wanted either a pocket rhino (is that what you kids call it nowadays?) or a giant platypus you can ride. They also talk about the episode of How I Met Your Mother that had a scene about absinthe, a thing called “Kudu-lah Critters,” and reminisce about the good days of Team America: World Police. They also release the findings from an online poll they conducted about which absinthe is the most popular, and Dan gives us another edition of Absinthe News.

The Philanthropist and the Philanderer

Dear future listeners, the freshness of this episode is “high.” Recorded on July 2, 2019, Dan and Jerry discuss why the Old Fashion cocktail is so dangerous, and Jerry professes his love for the Negroni (in all its various forms). Dan tells Jerry about The Wizard Academy in Texas — we’re talking bourbon, not Hogwarts. Jerry also professes his love for flute music, but we’re talking Jethro Tull and Shpongle, not Yanni. Also discussed is the upcoming full legalization of marijuana in Illinois, the roots of the “420” reference, and ideas for turning absinthe bottles into lamps and maybe even fountains.

Waiter, there’s a Scarab Beetle in my Absinthe

Dan and Jerry discuss the remaking of the movie “10,” and also ponder what it would be like to reboot The Road Warrior by having it star Pee-wee Herman. Also: Absinthe Jello Shots (Dan thinks they should be called “The Wiggly Fairy); how good the original Twilight Zone was; how to survive a tornado by hiding in a bathtub; and Dan gives his first official Absinthe News Report.

Thunderstorms, Shakespeare, and Anarchy

Recorded during a major thunderstorm, this has bikers, drug lords, anarchy, and the importance of battery backup systems. Also, absinthe becoming legalized in France, mini iPads (is that a feminine hygiene product?), and Doctor Hoodlum (is that a thing? If not, it should be!) Music is by Minus the Bear: Absinthe Party at the Fly Honey Warehouse. Dig it. And remember, life is a story. Be the protagonist. Drive the story forward.

A Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Toast

(No toast was actually harmed in the making of this podcast)
(No toast was actually harmed in the making of this podcast)

After Jerry lists off all the naughty girls that have been trying to get a hold of him via Skype, Dan and Jerry then create Facebook pages for their appliances so they can all like each other, then discuss the land-squid people who will take over Earth after humans are gone — and what future land-squid archeologists will think when they discover Dan’s collection of stuffed jackalopes. And that is still not all. No, no friends, it goes on and on, like a runaway train full of pineapple ranchers who only speak German.